Lego Star Wars 2


This image is more interesting than
Lego Star Wars 2.

On the strength of Yahtzee’s You Might Enjoy Lego Indiana Jones review, and the fact that I seem to have recalled hearing other people speak well of the Lego Star Wars games in the past, and (honestly) mostly the fact that I’ve started to become a bit of a Gamer Point whore, I decided to pick up Lego Star Wars 2 for my XBOX 360!

Oh, god it sucks.

Pro:

  • You get to beat the ever-loving fuck out of your allies.

Con:

  • Your allies get in the way far too easily, especially in co-op mode.

Pro:

  • There’s an impressive amount of humor present, mostly of a slapstick/in-reference sort (Chewie can, for instance, pull the arms off of lego enemies as a melee attack.)

Con:

  • A lot of the expressions seem wrong to be very, very wrong (I can’t rid of the impression that Lego Han Solo prowls Lego Elementary Schools for unsupecting Duplos to molest.)

Pro:

  • A lot of shit to blow up, and that shit drops delicious money that you can collect with seratonin-emitting ching-ghing sounds.

Con:

  • …but there seems to be no real point to collecting all of the money. Other than the high, that is.

Pro:

  • There are tons of meaningless collectable sets hidden within each of the sub-zones to find and make you feel rewarded when you procure them!

Con:

  • There are tons of meaningless collectable sets.

Pro:

  • The camera isn’t user-controllable and totally sucks. Oh wait, that’s not a pro at all!

Con:

  • The game requires a large amount of platform jumping and is very finicky about edges. It’s the jumping puzzle of Xenogears but the entire game.

Pro:

  • You can almost rape each other against the wall in co-op…

Con:

  • …but it turns out the walls and/or characters are too well lubricated, as they slip off of one another (these two suggested by Sophia. Honest.).

My recommendation: avoid the game.

…I will, of course, still play it just to get my goddamned gamer points, though.

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Comments

  1. There are many games — like Perfect Dark and Resident Evil Umbrella Chronicles — that I’ll only play co-op. I thought it was remarkably fun, in a special way :] Fun like an adorable trainwreck, but still! I don’t usually judge babby games on actual good design. Actually I usually don’t judge franchise games on good design because they never seem to be aware of certain contemporary standards of gaming (like having a decent camera).

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