Portal “Camera Shy” achievement picture tutorial, Part 2

Or: Cakequest, the Legend Continues

She… likes to watch.

Welcome back to the visual tutorial for where all of the cameras that you can destroy in in Valve’s new Portal game are. This is the second (of two) parts and the first one can be found by clicking here.

Note that the photo essay thing here is mainly for “that one effing camera” you can’t find. Really, just knowing how many cameras you should find on each level is enough to get anyone through to completetion on this Achievement, and you can find that list at the top of part one of this tutorial.

Enough chitchat. Let’s break some cameras.

Level 10

After 4 brief, empty levels devoid of any form of cameras, Valve rewards us for our patience by putting one right in plain view.


You have chosen ARRIVEDERCI. To confirm this selection, press ONE.

Level 11

The one camera on this level is a tricky one. I actually missed it the first time this go-round, and had to restart from level 05. Of course, that was a 8 minute diversion, so no big loss.

Lesson learned: always turn around.

There. Now let’s go get the goods.

Oh yeah. Now you’re playing with power. PORTAL power.

We will now pause to do the obligatory “playing with Portals Physics” things.

I like this one because a third party observer would see you cut in half with each half looking at each other.

Checking out your own ass is the least naughty thing I’d do had I my own portable wormhole generator.

And as a bonus strategy guide, here’s the tutorial for getting the Terminal Velocity achievement.

Licking my own feet while not bending over is the second least naughty thing I’d do had I my own portable wormhole generator.

1. Preheat oven to 350.
2. Fall for a few minutes. Perhaps you can enjoy a cake that is both moist and delicious in this time?
3. Unlock achievement.

Level 13

Level 13, home to 3 cameras. And none of them are initially in sight! Let the hunt begin.

Hrm. Spoke too soon.

Requiescat in pace, sweet camera.

There’s the second camera on this level, right outside the hatch to the first door we opened.

It’s starting to get taxing thinking of anything to say about dead cameras.

“Man, and the warrantee just expired too.”

This one’s right before the elevator to level 14.

“Only 1.2 megapixel? Bah, it deserved it.”

Level 15

Level fifteen already. My, how time flies. This level has five (soon to be four) cameras. It also has the first reference by GLADoS to the infamous cake that has become a plague upon the hearts and minds of the entire internet this week. Delicious and Infectious. German Chocolate Meme cake.

By the way, you can get through the previous (cameraless) level really quickly by doing a fling-jump with a portal on the floor next to the exit, and jumping into the other portal from a great height. It takes a few seconds.

And another one films the dust.

The second camera of this level is right after you fling yourself through the first barrier.

Level 15’s cameracaust: 40% complete.

The third camera is visible right after slaying the second one.

Another one down, and hey look: a failed attempt to make a perpetual motion machine out of two impossible never-never wormhole portals and a broken piece of digital film equipment!

The penultimate camera of level fifteen is in the ledge-room for the doublefling puzzle. You know what to do.


And our last friend here is right above the exit archway from the moving platform puzzle.

You know, with the double-flinging and the portalling around that puzzle, I think I like this level. In a very jungle-gymmy sort of way.

“Jungle Jimmy”. Hm. I wonder what that googl… augh! Ventriloquist mimes! Quick, back to the crazy AI and traps of certain doom!

Portals: Kills cameras dead.

Level 16

Level 16: home to five cameras, and a whole passel of the damn cutest death machines ever to be assembled.

“I don’t blame you!”

Our first lens-bearing fruit is right outside the door that opens when SHODAN GLADoS is done with her “lol, sorry about the android live-ammo testing course” speech.

Hey look, even the game’s proud of my merciless crusade against digital Daguerreotypes! Woo, 22/33! Go me!

Another camera in the “amazingly hard to miss” category: it is in the field of view right after you kill your first sentry turret.

You guys ain’t nothin’ compared to the cameras in Bioshock. Just sayin’.

No camera. I just really get a kick out of portal physics. I will walk forward and hand out death from above to the turret below/in-front-of me.

Oh, a camera was behind that turret I jumped. How droll.

The penalty for drollness is death.

The first two times I played this I had Options>Video>Advanced>Texture Detail set to low (Hey, I’m rockin’ an ancient card here). So I couldn’t read these guys at all. All very blurry. All very… sad.

So, I hear that the pastry might be… a fabrication?

Could the confection be mendacious?

Yes. Yes, it appears that, in fact, the cake is a lie. Moving on.

The next camera is in the little nook in the “room of death”.

I appear to have stuck a block in a portal. It’s rockin’ back and forth lazily. That is one Aperture Science Standard Storage Container that knows how to chillax.

That right there is an A+ in Sculpture 101.

It represents Man’s futile struggle against Technology’s constant march.

You can see the next camera to the top-left of my cube-shield. My cube-shield is getting shot the crap up right now. I don’t mind much: It’s not a very good companion.

The same camera, after portalling past the netting and destroying it’s bullet-flinging buddy.

The same camera, after it’s imminent destruction… minented.

That’s the last camera for this level. As an aside, I like to think that Android Hell is a classier place than Robot Hell.

Level 17

Crap. It’s one of them there invincible cameras.

I hate those.

There are two killable cameras in this stage. Let’s go kill them!

Hey there good looking. What’s a Weighted Companion Cube like you doing in an Aperture Science Enrichment Center like this?

Oh, how they taunt me.

These are not the cam-droids I am looking for. I will move on.

Another invincible camera. Keep going.

(I wonder how long it’ll be before we see a ‘yiffable’ Companion Cube. I’m not saying I want one… I’m just sayin’ I understand the internets.)

Finally. All the anticipation was giving me blue ‘tals.

This one’s at the end of the second death-hall that your adorable companion cube tenderly protected you from.

Oh yeah. That’s the stuff.

And here’s the final killable camera on this stage, right after you turn around from killing the first one. O frabjous day!

Only five more “real cameras” left in the game. Any other camera you see in this level is not a real camera. They are ironic cameras who dress like that to impress their hipster camera friends.

“The companion cube would never desert me. Ha ha, Dessert. Cake. A lie. The companion cube would never lie to me.”

Also fun, there is a username and password there (cjohnson/tier3). Try going to www.aperturescience.com, typing “LOGIN” at the prompt, and using these credentials.

This really is the best room in this, or any, game.

“Because I could not stop for Death;
He kindly stopped for me;
The cube had food and maybe ammo;
And immortality”
– Emily Dickinson meets the Companion Cube.

"It’s not you. It’s me."

Level 18

There are two cameras of import in this level. This was my least favorite level my first time through. I couldn’t figure out how to do the jump in the giant turret-having room. Was I ever so young?

This is one of them there unkillable evil impostor cameras you hear so much about.

I must be the only escaped temp that DOESN’T get to fingerpaint on the walls. Aw, man.

In other news: The no-cake graffiti is awesome.

Yet another meaningless camera raising my hopes temporarily just to crush them.

The one by the four-dots is also one of the stupid, unlovable variety.

Finally. The first "real" camera is in the giant chamber of annoying turrets, platforms, and jumps. It’s right by the door in. Take care of all the shooty things first.

We have gotten her done, sir.

The last camera on this stage is near the edge of the bottom floor of one of the most funnest rooms in the game. Kill it and start jumping like it was 1985.

No, Camera Thirty, I expect you to DIE.

Level 19

Three more cameras to go. Finally.

The first camera of this level is hiding off to the side right by the first opening. It’s okay if you walked right by it. I won’t judge you. It’s one of those "hidden in plain view" dealies.

Pt-chu, just like Peter Parker. Except with guns instead of webslingers. And with picture-destruction instead of picture-taking.

The penultimate camera of the game is above this red button you must press. Kill the camera, and then press the button.

*sniff* And that’s for Princess Diana!

Oooh, and there’s the last one. Sweet victory awaits us!

And that’s all she wrote! You now are Camera Shy!

Enjoy some cake. Now I have a whole bunch of challenge levels to beat.

Portal “Camera Shy” achievement picture tutorial, Part 1

The facts

Grr… locked BAD!

Welcome to Valve’s awesome game: portal! This here’s my guide to getting the “Camera Shy” achievement. Because while I’m a egotist camwhore myself, I’m a flaming libertarian. Ergo, only cameras I like I like.

Before we begin: I’m not planning on really spoiling the story, but I don’t care enough to see that through. If you haven’t played it, why are you reading a guide to complete the final achievement?

Now, there are 33 cameras that you can destroy. There are a lot more that you can’t, but we don’t care about these immortal cameras. Only the ones that, much like a woman, make a satisfying sound as they fall helplessly to the ground.

As an aside, I thought it was rather awesome that all of the characters in this game were female (or simulacrums thereof). You don’t see that too often outside of Japanese lesbian dating simulators.

The cameras are distributed as follows:

Level Killable cameras
2 3
3 3
4 2
5 3
10 1
11 1
13 3
15 5
16 5
17 2
18 2
19 3

Thanks to these guys for that info. And also google.

Now, to the camera-carnage!

Level 02

Hanyways: Level 2 has 3 killable cameras. But none of that matters until you git yer gun. Second amendment forever!

You see this camera after making your first portal right after you get the blue portal-gun. Like any good mad-scientist you’re pro-technology but anti-the-man (aka: The Fools). So kill the camera and cackle a bit.

Yeah, take that. The only cameras I tolerate are MY cameras watching MY test subjects run MY deadly gamut of tests. Whoever put me here (said Fools) is going to pay.

To get to the second camera, we need to use some fancy portal physics that might elude the first-time player. Namely: using the orange portal as an entrance. First, shoot a blue portal through here…

Like so…

And turn around.

Turn right when you fall out of the portal, and you should see your quarry.


Two down, one to go before hitting the elevator.

There the third killable camera is, opposite the big LEVEL 02 sign. Christ, this place has more cameras than Oceania, Eastasia, or London!

The dark secret of portal: GLADoS is actually webmistress of www.theCheesecakeIsALie.com, featuring exclusive hot escapee voyeur action.

Level 03

On to level three, home to three camer… hey!

They’re not even trying.

Welcome to level three, home of three two cameras.

…I turn the corner and there’s another one. How’d I not get this award the first time?

Vital testing apparatus destroyed!

Turn right after exiting through the orange portal for the first time and you’ll see the last camera on this level. It’s a small level. Frankly, if you needed a guide to find any of these, you’re the laziest laze who ever lazed.

Damn, no user serviceable parts. Who knew?

Level 04

Not even out of the lift’s doors and to the big, friendly “LEVEL 04” sign and there’s a camera. Security Moms and the PATRIOT Act built this facility.

Bzap, clank.

There’s camera eight. Otherwise known as “the second and last camera on level 4”.

Man, portal has short levels.

Man, portal is a short game.

More games should be this short and good. I’m a goddamned busy man.

Our work here is done. Moving on.

Level 05

Level five. GLADoS says she’s not monitoring this level. If you believed that the first time, you weren’t really paying attention to 1) her voice or 2) the three cameras on this level.

Viva la anonymity!

Note, you have to walk through the door before the orange portal activates and this portal becomes hazardous to security-based life forms.

Number two for Level 5. Just left of the door number 1 was above.

Those who would give up Essential Liberty to purchase a little Temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety. Or cake.

-Benjamin Franklin

The last camera on this level is after you solve the puzzle and leave through the second formed orange portal. Just turn away from the level exit and look up. Fun fact: According to the Creator’s Commentary, one of the hardest things presented to 3d gamemakers is to get their players to look up!

In this screenshot you can also see my winamp poking through due to me having to kill explorer, thereby causing interesting fun flashing visuals for a bit. I’ve been listening to the ending song to portal today. The game’s infected my brain in the 24 hours that I’ve owned it.

Valve, you had me at “Weighted Companion Cube”. <3

Dead cameras tell no tales.

Portal physics are neat. Since the orange portal is above the dead camera, you can see it twice in this shot. I find in some of the later levels that I work best if I think about the problem, act on it, and while trying to get the timing right I stop focusing on the weird map topography involved and just repeat the motions, lest my HEAD EXPLODE.

Anyways, that’s the last camera until level 10. We’ve offed eleven of thirty-three, so we’re 1/3rd the way there! And that’s the last camera for this post. I have to go to work now. Yay work!

You can find part two of this tutorial for the Unlocking Camera Shy Achievement in Portal by clicking here.

The Gruedorf Challenge begins.

Perceptive for a 15 year old.So one of the concepts I’ve been mulling over for the past… few years… is how big detailed maps aren’t awesome. They’re tedious to play through and slow down development. I’ve left in the old Castle Alden that’s never been used officially since it’s probably getting redone in about 1/8th the totaly area. At any rate, feel free to wander around the Aldencia Castle that never will be. Also, the observant will notice that this is running off of a Sully codebase with some very minor alterations (mainly to the textbox’s layout parameters), and with a few interesting additions to the new ./vc/sots/ directory. The underlying idea behind those files, should you look, is that there’ll be a “library” function where you can review any book you’ve read in-game in your menu, and see your book completion numbers for an area. It’s the little, stupid, things that make this fun for me.

The babyfaced prince gets even cuter… maybe

New onam vs old onam.One of the other simplification deals I’m running is a more Lufia 2 and/or Robotrek inspired character design. I’m still on the wall about this one because I don’t plan on remaking all of the tilesets, and because I still haven’t worked out a clean version of the animation that I’m pleased with. Here’s a look at the new vs old.

Excuses, excuses.

I’m going to be a little slow at first because I’m very interested in making some better dev tools than the ones at my disposal. I’m very interested in Ioachim’s platform agnostic maped, as well as other primitive web-based solutions. I’m also finishing up Breadbrother’s new website (not up as of this writing), so I won’t be dumping massive amounts of time into this challenge for a bit.

Oh, right…

Here’s the insanely delayed 4th SotS demo! Notice how it has less game than the third, the only interaction you have is with stairs, doors, and bookcases, and if you leave the castle it unceremoniously crashes! Enjoy!

The once and future blog

I’ve finally resurrected egometry.com. This here’s a rough custom shell of a site using the find framework from over at CakePHP. I’ve only been using their stuff for a week, and I have a bit yet to familiarize myself with, but it seems a fairly handy framework.

The trick, as with any framework, is familiarity.

I’ve mainly been learning cakePHP to finally finish Breadbros.com in proper form. That’s progressing well, although I’ve now taken several days of diversion for this and/or recreating.

As is usually the case, moving environments from my dev box to the server here ran aground of mod_rewrite issues. However, I’m pretty sure the rewrites themselves are correct, and that the shortcomings are with my understanding of how cake handles it’s webroot. With time and tenacity will come understanding (then, death).

The meat: Canadian Bacon

The main reason I’ve been pushing this through is the friendly little competition I find myself in with Mister Shamus “Kildorf” Peveril. Ostensibly we’re both amatuer game-making enthusiasts, but in practice we’re mindblasted code monkeys who whine about “oh how wonderful it would be if we made games” and then don’t. Because not-doing something you want to do is the logical course of action.

So my challenge was as follows: we work on our respective games at least once a week, and post the WIP with the new work at least once a week on a blog with an RSS feed so we can keep easy tabs and make third party applications to mock each other later. Actually, I was hoping for a bit of WWF-style showmanship, but Kildorf’s a gentle soul who would claim to’ve helped your mom across the street, and nothing more.

A boy can dream of a theatrical scene-chewer arch-nemesis. A boy… can dream.

assminr.com was taken

Also in other news, I’ve launched the emptyish shell of an inside joke. We are looking at the beginning of a Social Shitfucking revolution. This is bleeding edge here, folks.

detail of the drawer’s notes

Ohboy. Notes.

See, I take my notes on blank white filler paper, usually taken from the surplus feed-paper in the South Pod, which I rip off in stacks of 50 or so and then tear off the side-hole paper. What remains gets affixed to one of my numerous clipboards and I use it like a long scroll of paper, equally suited for writing notes as it is for drawing during a particularly boring class.

The stuff at the top of this is actually a note pertaining to Prof. Steflik’s proclaimation about the most efficient trees being order 52 to map to the drive sector structure on something or other that I passed to Matt MacDonald in front of me. His answer is the different and much smaller font.

The rest of it is Gopher and LDAP shite. And a stupid question that the Prof didn’t know the answer to (What is an Irregular Function, dammit? A quick google didn’t prove informative.)

[return to the drawer]

The contents of my drawer

A drawer of crap!

So I was cleaning my room today (2004.09.22), and I came to the top-left drawer of my desk, the one that sits at my left hand to judge over the unworthy and recieves my blessing in the form of various crap that I don’t want on top of my desk or in immediate view.

This drawer had been accumulating various junk over the previous year or so, and everything deposited in there was done so so that it was out of the way but accessible for later organization of memories. Sadly, my valet box is still in Lacona, so I don’t have anywhere to deposit all the miscellany tokens and trinkets of my travels.

Enter: the Intarweb.

I rememebered that I had this-here homepage thingy and various pieces of technology to let me immortalize this disarray for later fond memory-recalling. So I figured, what the hell, and did something pointlessly egocentric. Finally. This site was in danger of needing to be re-registered as Humblometry. Or Borometry. And it still does quality for that last one. C’est la vie.

So without further adieu, A day in the life of one Desk Drawer before it’d been purged just hours ago. As an aside, I stopped cleaning my room about 10 hours ago to do this, and am just now finishing. Not all the time was spent on the creation of this page by far, but none of the time was spent continuing the cleaning job.

Procrastination: successful.

(click upon the imagemap, my son)

Movie Tickets

Exciting! Three movie tickets! Master and Commander (entertaining), Matrix: Revolutions (much better than the revues gave it credit for) , and Kill Bill (vol 1) (OMG Rocktastic).

Seen at 2003.11.23, 2003.11.27, and 2003.10.13 respectively. That’d be the first time I saw Kill Bill, then, since I saw it again a few days later at vcon.

$15 total was spent on these: two at the student price of $5, and once at the matinee price. Good to see that I was saving on the matinee.

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WHRW Schedule

This is a copy of the Fall 2003 schedule from Binghamton University’s student radio station.

I picked it up at the end of the fall semester because the theme was neat. Click here to examine it closer.

I did, however, learn that anyone in the community can get a program on WHRW, student or no. If I ever get any number of chums to live in Binghamton as a Nerd Development Farm, I want to procure one of these shows and play tracked music from across the ages.

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A temporary Tattoo of Diablo from Goats.com.

I’m a premium member over there, so once a year I get a big satchel of junk from them. Last year, in addition to the T-shirts, books, comics, stickers, and buttons in the SPEY package, we were sent a whole passel of these Temporary Tattoos they had printed up a few years ago.

I guess Jon got way, way too many back then and has been trying to ditch’m all for years.

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Frequent Flier Card

I don’t frequently fly, but I have a card that says I do. This, as many of the items here are, is from Vergecon 7… or at least exists because of it.

Awesome, only 29 more trips until I get to go somewhere for free.

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Chinese Fortune

…I think this one speaks for itself.

Also, my lucky numbers are 4, 39, 23, 33, 40, and 38.

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Plane Ticket Stub

My plane ticket stub to the first flight leaving VERGEcon 7. That’d be October 20th, 2003 at 1:30 PM.

I was considerably less drunk on that flight than I was the previous time I left MN for NY.

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Card Catalog Card

To the educate man, it appears I would have an interest in philosophy.

This hypothetical erudite would be correct, because I am a wanker. However, the conclusion has derived from seeing Jung’s name on a card in my possession has nothing to do with this fact.

Every library I’ve used in recent times have converted to electrnoic card catalogs, and they’ve universally turned their old cards into scrap paper. EMPs will be the librarian’s nemesis in coming wars.

The note in question on this card reads "PR3560 1800". A quick google tells me that this is Milton’s Paradise Lost.

See, told you I was a wanker.

Of note is that, as of this writing, I actually have not yet returned that book. I probably owe Binghamton University quite a sum. But it was the annotated Paradise Lost by Issac Asimov, so it’s worth it.

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Minneapolis Bus Passes

Bus passes from Vergecon 7.

One was on bus 3050, issued at 11:49 AM on October 20th (obviously the bus leaving Hahn’s dwelling for the airport). It was local on route 1016, heading east, and would’ve expired at 2:19 PM

The other was bus 863 issued at 1:42 PM on the 16th of October, Route 1007 (heading south). I think this might’ve been the one from the Airport *to* the city, but I’m just guessing.

Minneapolis had good busses all told. And you get unlimited transfers for 150 minutes with them. That beats Binghamton’s, which are also exceptionally good busses, but where you only get one transfer and it has to be consecutive. No popping off to the mall on one trip here, nosireebob. You have to pay them each way. Targic.

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The Triforce!

I was in a building Supplies store for some reason long since tossed to the winds of time. For some reason, I seem to remember Kelly there, although this could be a horrible fabrication. There was a girl there, and there had to be a car-owner there, so Kelly’s a likely choice.

Anyways, I saw this laying out in the open, somewhere near a display of something that was being built. It was so lonely and so unattended, and as soon as I saw it I knew I had to make it mine.

I guess it’s the insignia of some sort of… something?

At any rate, I’m not one for kleptomania but I figured it wasn’t so bad. The blue triforce sticker means more to me than it would to the display model that was being built up. Usually this sorta thing gets tossed from displays, too.

Click here of the for a detailed view triforce sticker.

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BU Coffeehouse Coupon

Coffeehouses often have Frequent Drinker programs, especially if they’re exceptionally overpriced coffeehouses. "Hey", you say, "Sure this coffee is about 500% over what should be charged for it, but if I buy 6, I get one free!"

This coffehouse is on the ground floor of the Library Tower of Binghamton University. The hotspot for all the cool suicide attempts in the area.

Of note is that the Library Tower has no books in it. Well, at least no library books. I’m sure the offices have books of some type in them.

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A Blurry Photo!

This is a photo I stole from a stack of photos at my parent’s house spanning from 1979-1983. I only stole the out of focus and/or interestingly ruined ones, since I thought there were some generally neat ‘mistakes’. This was one of the least interesting of those, and I don’t know where the rest are at the moment, nor do I know how it got into this desk drawer.

Click here to see the entire thing.

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Taco Bell Receipt!

For the interested, it appears I had quite a quantity of tacos on November 18th, 2003.

For the anally interested, This order appears to have been one Nachos Belgrande Combo, three beef soft tacos, a mystery item labelled FBGSST, and two large sodas.

I apparently was buying for two that day. Or I was very thirsty.

The total was $12.47, and $1.03 in tax brought that to $13.50, to which I tendered a Jackson and recieved back a Lincoln, a Washington, and two smaller, harder Washingtons.

At any rate, I am quite sure the tacos were delicious.

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CS-328 Notes!

Oh boy, notes from Internet Programming!

…I have no idea why these would be in this particular drawer.

Click here to read them.

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Index Card Notes

I use a stack of index cards for all sorts of notes. These three show:

  • Songs from Loom (oooh, DDCD turns things green… that means DCDD makes things that were green become not-green!)
    This card also appears to have blood on it. Awesome!
  • a list of restaurants that I get discover cashback from in walking distance (Little Venice has good Martinis)
  • A quick sketch of Sully for a speech portrait (on the back of the index card with all my root passwords on it).

Of particular note here are two things. Firstly, this very page has an index card for it (listing each item numerically for reference), and secondly, that someone, somewhere, sometime will attempt to edit a copy of this image to reveal the passwords on the other side of that card.

Good luck, haxx0rs, and godspeed.

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An Elder God’s tag

Amanda demanded a present from my trip out to Vergecon 7. So, in the interests of Being Awesome, I purchased her a plush Cthulu from The Source.

He was quite affordably priced for being an all-powerful evincar of doom, destruction and overall bane of humankind. And he’s adorable when not chewing on my teddybear. Poor MacBeth put up a good fight while they were cohabitating, though, as is evidenced by all of his limbs being still there.

In all of my years of being a good little consumer, this was probably my wisest and best purchase.

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MBTA Token

An MBTA token! Oh boy! If I’m ever in Boston again, I can ride the subway once!

I used to have a NYC subway token too, but I have no idea where that went.

anyways, it’s round and metalic, which meets two of my requirements for coolness!

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The Scanner Bed

Yes, I’ll never truely ever be an elitist self-absorbed prick. I lack the decorum to actually re-arrange all of this to not let the scanner bed Show through.

I guess I’ll have to try harder next time. Myabe I’ll buy a new beret. I haven’t worn one in years! :(

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Items absent from photoshoot

  • Envelopes
  • A single AAA battery in a plastic baggie
  • Misc. sexual paraphernalia of varying naughtiness
  • Book of Self-adhesive Stamps
  • A quantity of receipts, including several months of Monthly Rental Receipts from both Hogan and Afify (these were duly filed, the rest were tossed).
  • A MPLS Transit Bus Schedule for the #7 (effective 09/13/03!)