Or: Cakequest, the Legend Continues
She… likes to watch.
Welcome back to the visual tutorial for where all of the cameras that you can destroy in in Valve’s new Portal game are. This is the second (of two) parts and the first one can be found by clicking here.
Note that the photo essay thing here is mainly for “that one effing camera” you can’t find. Really, just knowing how many cameras you should find on each level is enough to get anyone through to completetion on this Achievement, and you can find that list at the top of part one of this tutorial.
Enough chitchat. Let’s break some cameras.
After 4 brief, empty levels devoid of any form of cameras, Valve rewards us for our patience by putting one right in plain view.
You have chosen ARRIVEDERCI. To confirm this selection, press ONE.
The one camera on this level is a tricky one. I actually missed it the first time this go-round, and had to restart from level 05. Of course, that was a 8 minute diversion, so no big loss.
Lesson learned: always turn around.
There. Now let’s go get the goods.
Oh yeah. Now you’re playing with power. PORTAL power.
We will now pause to do the obligatory “playing with Portals Physics” things.
I like this one because a third party observer would see you cut in half with each half looking at each other.
Checking out your own ass is the least naughty thing I’d do had I my own portable wormhole generator.
And as a bonus strategy guide, here’s the tutorial for getting the Terminal Velocity achievement.
Licking my own feet while not bending over is the second least naughty thing I’d do had I my own portable wormhole generator.
1. Preheat oven to 350.
2. Fall for a few minutes. Perhaps you can enjoy a cake that is both moist and delicious in this time?
3. Unlock achievement.
Level 13, home to 3 cameras. And none of them are initially in sight! Let the hunt begin.
Hrm. Spoke too soon.
Requiescat in pace, sweet camera.
There’s the second camera on this level, right outside the hatch to the first door we opened.
It’s starting to get taxing thinking of anything to say about dead cameras.
“Man, and the warrantee just expired too.”
This one’s right before the elevator to level 14.
“Only 1.2 megapixel? Bah, it deserved it.”
Level fifteen already. My, how time flies. This level has five (soon to be four) cameras. It also has the first reference by GLADoS to the infamous cake that has become a plague upon the hearts and minds of the entire internet this week. Delicious and Infectious. German Chocolate Meme cake.
By the way, you can get through the previous (cameraless) level really quickly by doing a fling-jump with a portal on the floor next to the exit, and jumping into the other portal from a great height. It takes a few seconds.
And another one films the dust.
The second camera of this level is right after you fling yourself through the first barrier.
Level 15’s cameracaust: 40% complete.
The third camera is visible right after slaying the second one.
Another one down, and hey look: a failed attempt to make a perpetual motion machine out of two impossible never-never wormhole portals and a broken piece of digital film equipment!
The penultimate camera of level fifteen is in the ledge-room for the doublefling puzzle. You know what to do.
And our last friend here is right above the exit archway from the moving platform puzzle.
You know, with the double-flinging and the portalling around that puzzle, I think I like this level. In a very jungle-gymmy sort of way.
“Jungle Jimmy”. Hm. I wonder what that googl… augh! Ventriloquist mimes! Quick, back to the crazy AI and traps of certain doom!
Portals: Kills cameras dead.
Level 16: home to five cameras, and a whole passel of the damn cutest death machines ever to be assembled.
“I don’t blame you!”
Our first lens-bearing fruit is right outside the door that opens when
SHODAN GLADoS is done with her “lol, sorry about the android live-ammo testing course” speech.
Hey look, even the game’s proud of my merciless crusade against digital Daguerreotypes! Woo, 22/33! Go me!
Another camera in the “amazingly hard to miss” category: it is in the field of view right after you kill your first sentry turret.
You guys ain’t nothin’ compared to the cameras in Bioshock. Just sayin’.
No camera. I just really get a kick out of portal physics. I will walk forward and hand out death from above to the turret below/in-front-of me.
Oh, a camera was behind that turret I jumped. How droll.
The penalty for drollness is death.
The first two times I played this I had Options>Video>Advanced>Texture Detail set to low (Hey, I’m rockin’ an ancient card here). So I couldn’t read these guys at all. All very blurry. All very… sad.
So, I hear that the pastry might be… a fabrication?
Could the confection be mendacious?
Yes. Yes, it appears that, in fact, the cake is a lie. Moving on.
The next camera is in the little nook in the “room of death”.
I appear to have stuck a block in a portal. It’s rockin’ back and forth lazily. That is one Aperture Science Standard Storage Container that knows how to chillax.
That right there is an A+ in Sculpture 101.
It represents Man’s futile struggle against Technology’s constant march.
You can see the next camera to the top-left of my cube-shield. My cube-shield is getting shot the crap up right now. I don’t mind much: It’s not a very good companion.
The same camera, after portalling past the netting and destroying it’s bullet-flinging buddy.
The same camera, after it’s imminent destruction… minented.
That’s the last camera for this level. As an aside, I like to think that Android Hell is a classier place than Robot Hell.
Crap. It’s one of them there invincible cameras.
I hate those.
There are two killable cameras in this stage. Let’s go kill them!
Hey there good looking. What’s a Weighted Companion Cube like you doing in an Aperture Science Enrichment Center like this?
Oh, how they taunt me.
These are not the cam-droids I am looking for. I will move on.
Another invincible camera. Keep going.
(I wonder how long it’ll be before we see a ‘yiffable’ Companion Cube. I’m not saying I want one… I’m just sayin’ I understand the internets.)
Finally. All the anticipation was giving me blue ‘tals.
This one’s at the end of the second death-hall that your adorable companion cube tenderly protected you from.
Oh yeah. That’s the stuff.
And here’s the final killable camera on this stage, right after you turn around from killing the first one. O frabjous day!
Only five more “real cameras” left in the game. Any other camera you see in this level is not a real camera. They are ironic cameras who dress like that to impress their hipster camera friends.
“The companion cube would never desert me. Ha ha, Dessert. Cake. A lie. The companion cube would never lie to me.”
Also fun, there is a username and password there (cjohnson/tier3). Try going to www.aperturescience.com, typing “LOGIN” at the prompt, and using these credentials.
This really is the best room in this, or any, game.
“Because I could not stop for Death;
He kindly stopped for me;
The cube had food and maybe ammo;
– Emily Dickinson meets the Companion Cube.
"It’s not you. It’s me."
There are two cameras of import in this level. This was my least favorite level my first time through. I couldn’t figure out how to do the jump in the giant turret-having room. Was I ever so young?
This is one of them there unkillable evil impostor cameras you hear so much about.
I must be the only escaped temp that DOESN’T get to fingerpaint on the walls. Aw, man.
In other news: The no-cake graffiti is awesome.
Yet another meaningless camera raising my hopes temporarily just to crush them.
The one by the four-dots is also one of the stupid, unlovable variety.
Finally. The first "real" camera is in the giant chamber of annoying turrets, platforms, and jumps. It’s right by the door in. Take care of all the shooty things first.
We have gotten her done, sir.
The last camera on this stage is near the edge of the bottom floor of one of the most funnest rooms in the game. Kill it and start jumping like it was 1985.
No, Camera Thirty, I expect you to DIE.
Three more cameras to go. Finally.
The first camera of this level is hiding off to the side right by the first opening. It’s okay if you walked right by it. I won’t judge you. It’s one of those "hidden in plain view" dealies.
Pt-chu, just like Peter Parker. Except with guns instead of webslingers. And with picture-destruction instead of picture-taking.
The penultimate camera of the game is above this red button you must press. Kill the camera, and then press the button.
*sniff* And that’s for Princess Diana!
Oooh, and there’s the last one. Sweet victory awaits us!
And that’s all she wrote! You now are Camera Shy!
Enjoy some cake. Now I have a whole bunch of challenge levels to beat.